Category Archives: Life’s Lessons

A Message of Love from a Mom

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It’s been brought to my attention that my blog posts have been sporadic and it’s time for me to kick it into gear.  Yes, life often gets in the way of carving out time to blog, and for that, I apologize. First it was the shorty-shorts that turned our life upside down. Then the coming out video and post of me and my son brought on a different kind of busyness, AND  that is what leads me to my post today; “A Message of Love from a Mom” me – Becky Mack 🙂 …

Though I don’t get much sleep, I wouldn’t trade my circumstances for anything in the world. It is comforting to know that people around the globe feel I am a safe place to reach out to, someone who will listen without judgement and will love without conditions – it’s worth the sleepless nights.

I pray someday the emails stop, the personal meets ups and phone calls end, NOT because I’m worn out, but because every person on the planet feels LOVED, SAFE, RESPECTED, ACCEPTED and VALUED for who they are and the diversity they bring – No more fear of REJECTION from family, church, school and community.

If you are feeling grateful that your life is *LGBT/SSA free, it’s perhaps because you have NOT created a safe environment for them to tell you. They listen to your conversations, lectures, unkind jokes and remarks and choose to remain silent. They know your goals, hopes and dreams and they don’t want to disappoint you, so they stay quiet.

Many closeted LGBT/SSA reach out to me confiding their pain, anxiety, depression and self harming habits. Many confess they turn to pills or alcohol to numb the pain. They plead “I just want to be normal”.  They pray for God to take this away and sadly, too often they reach a point where they are angry with God for unanswered prayers.

PARENTS, if your child tells you they are gay or same-sex attracted or think they might be gay or whatever terminology they use, it’s not the end of the world!  It’s the beginning of a time to refine and strengthen your Christlike attributes such as; compassion, empathy, charity and love unfeigned. It’s a time to exercise faith and to CHOOSE to believe in a God who meant what He said, “Love one another as I have loved you.” Lean on Him for guidance and understanding. It’s an opportunity to strengthen your relationship with your child by simply loving unconditionally even if they choose differently than you would. Especially if they choose differently than you would.

By opening your heart and arms, you will discover some of the most incredible, talented, gifted and caring people on the planet.  The answer is simple – LOVE!

*LGBT/SSA = Lesbian, Gay, Bi-Sexual, Trangender / Same Sex Attraction

P.S.  To hear my husband Scott and I share our  journey with our son, go to Voices of Hope.  Please share with anyone you feel would benefit.

A Miracle Happened Today

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A miracle happened today! …actually it happened on Saturday – sharing it today.

Saturday evening members of my family were reluctantly, disguised as eagerly, helping me get the house and food ready for a large gathering to be held the next day in our home following my youngest son and child’s mission farewell held at our church. (He has been called to serve a two-year mission for the Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in the New York New York North Mission Spanish speaking)

It was about 8:30pm I had two large pots of boiling water on the stove cooking pasta. My handyman husband Scott was under the kitchen sink taking apart the disposal to figure out why water was leaking out all over the floor. My grown married children were vacuuming, setting up tables and chairs out on the patio with a lot of laughing, talking and enjoying each other’s company.

Water from the pot on the back burner started boiling over onto the stove top which often happens when I cook with the colandar inside the pot.  I had a dumb idea that I began to execute – I lifted the colander to pour the pasta into the pan to continue cooking – next thing I knew the pot of boiling water was pouring down the front of me drenching my stomach and legs down to my knees… I immediately felt the intense heat and knew I was in trouble.  In a somewhat panicked voice, yet calm, I said, “I just burned myself”  as I grabbed hold of my pant legs to pull the hot fabric away from my skin.  I headed straight for the bathroom and into the shower fully clothed and turned on the cold water – immediately a very distinct voice said “your *garments saved you”.

I went upstairs to my bedroom to assess the damage to my throbbing stomach and legs – I looked like a pink lobster! I sat in the tub with cool water pouring onto my legs for about 30 seconds (yes only 30 seconds – too much to get done downstairs)  I then rubbed  DoTerra Lavender Essential Oil over the burnt area, dressed, knelt giving thanks to my Heavenly Father and resumed position in my kitchen.

My husband and children were very concerned, each voicing their strong opinion, how I should be treating my wound which did NOT include my personal choice of  picking up where I left off.  I assured them I was okay – I shared with them the voice I had heard in the shower and the peace that had come over me. I knew I had been protected and would be okay.  The slight burning sensation continued for about another hour on a small area of my stomach and upper right leg – I continued to apply the Lavender oil.  By 1:30 a.m.  I finished everything on my to-do list and retired to bed finding only two small burn marks on my stomach and a few marks on my leg – the only evidence of what had happened.

I’m feeling very blessed for how this event played out – very different than what it could have been.

P.S. My son’s talk was EXCEPTIONAL – he is very ready to serve the Lord and for all the right reasons. #proudmom

*Just as many observant people around the world wear religiously significant items of clothing to signify their relationship with God, Mormons too wear emblematic garments to remind them of covenants made in the temple. (mormons.org)

It’s no Fairytale: Have Courage and Be Kind

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Did you happen to see the latest rendition of Cinderella starring Lilly James?  If not, I highly recommend it.  I know it’s just a fairytale, but the messages it shares is golden.   I must warn you – it’s not a musical so don’t expect the mice to break out in song.

Cinderella’s beloved mother suddenly takes ill and in her final moments with her daughter she utters the simple formula for happiness, “Be kind and have courage and all will be well.”  Up to that point, being kind was second nature to Cinderella – it was a gift she inherited  from her mother.  But  to be kind to people who were intentionally cruel would take courage and soon be put to the test.

You know the story – she endured. She turned the other cheek. She went to the Ball. The clock struck twelve.

And…

With ash smeared face, straggly hair and raggedy dress, Cinderella gathered courage as she approached the prince to try on that legendary glass slipper. The narrator, her fairy godmother turns to the audience and asks, “Would who she is really be enough?”  She had no magic to help her this time – she was on her own to shine.  It was perhaps the greatest risk of all. “To be seen as you truly are.

Aren’t we all covered in ash?  Don’t we all struggle with varying levels of doubts, insecurities and self worth?  Do we question if we are good enough?  Do we have the courage to take the risk of showing who we truly are?  Do we acknowledge our infinite worth with gifts and talents that make us unique and genuine?

Recently a friend posted a photo of herself on Facebook, with permission I share; “This may seem like your ordinary gym mirror selfie. But to me it marks Day 1 of facing my fears. The gym. For me the gym is a scary place where I’m judged and embarrassed. But more than that, it’s a place that triggers me. It triggers what I’ve been suffering for years …..an eating disorder.

Going to the gym defeats me thinking I’m not getting where I want fast enough. It makes me think I’m not good enough. I hate seeing my reflection, or the body types I wish I was. But today is a fresh start. …..Today is Day 1 of learning to love myself.”

I am proud of my friend for her courage to be real and vulnerable.

Do we believe that if others knew our worst actions, our ugliest thoughts, our embarrassing secrets, and our weird habits that no one will like us?

Look in the mirror and repeat after me;

“You are more important than your mistakes – you are worthwhile, valuable, and useful.”

Thomas S. Monson spoke on having courage in the April 2014 LDS general conference,  “Courage is needed—the courage to say no when we should, the courage to say yes when that is appropriate, the courage to do the right thing because it is right.”

The following April in 2015, Dieter F. Uchtdorf  spoke On Being Genuine.  “…If Jesus Christ were to sit down with us and ask for an accounting of our stewardship, I am not sure He would focus much on programs and statistics.  What the Savior would want to know is the condition of our heart.  He would want to know how we love and minister to those in our care, how we show our love to our spouse and family, and how we lighten their daily load.  And the Savior would want to know how you and I grow closer to Him and to our Heavenly Father.”

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Beneath the smudges of ash, beyond the raggedy clothes – the glass slipper fits – because YOU are enough.

 

Dear Mom and Dad, I am gay.

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Once a month I blog for Northern Lights, an LDS blog site for Mormon conversations on Sexuality, Gender Identity and Faith. If you follow Becky’s Mack’s Blog of Mild Chaos, or follow me on Facebook or perhaps know me in real life, you know I am very passionate about my religion, faith and family. They are the foundation and core of who I am.  Today I once again speak from my heart sharing my latest Northern Lights blog post with my readers here…

dear-mom-and-dad

Dear mom and Dad,

I am gay…

This blog post is to all the mothers who are grateful none of their children are gay. And also, to the fathers who know all the gay jokes and don’t hold back letting their sons know how they feel about gays. “Can you imagine anyone choosing to be gay?” they gasp.  I’m embarrassed to admit, I once shared those same views.

I write to you parents because my inbox is filled with messages from young men describing all the reasons why they fear telling you – their own mom and dad.  They have gone over every possible scenario of coming out verses continuing to keep their same-gender attraction a secret. They have come to the conclusion that taking their life is the better option.  Then as a one last ditch effort to find answers, they stumble upon my video and feel a pull to reach out.

We talk. We cry. I do all I can to give them hope, sharing resources and reasons to live one more day, week, month  But unfortunately I can NOT promise them that their father will not beat them.  I can not promise them that they will not be kicked out onto the streets.  I can not promise they will be accepted and loved by their family.  Why? Because this is happening right here in our communities.

If people just simply lived the golden rule, my job would be so much easier. People often ask me, “What do you do?” I rattle off, “I’m a mom, grandmother, speaker, author, BUT do you REALLY want to know what do? I SAVE lives”  

AND…

It might be YOUR son, daughter, brother, sister, father, son-in-law that I am corresponding with – YOU don’t know and I will never tell, but I promise you if you REALLY knew them and you REALLY loved them you would see them as God sees them and you would LOVE them all the more, AND they would not be wondering if checking out of this life is a better option than telling you of their struggles.

They are some of the most spiritual, compassionate human beings I know.  If I had the means and the way, there would be no homeless teens living on the street, they would all live in my home, feel loved, needed and valued.

Our Savior Jesus Christ showed us the way – He forgave the repentant, healed the sick, and served without ceasing.

Above all, Jesus was the perfect example of love. “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you. …” (John 13:34.)

When was the last time you put your arm around someone you know is gay, and asked, “How are you doing?”

When was the last time you invited someone you know is gay and their boyfriend or girlfriend over for dinner?

They are NOT contagious, they are NOT pedophiles, they will not teach your children to be gay – they are people – Just like YOU! They fear you as much as you fear them – they don’t know how you are going to respond – will you react with kindness and Christlike love or hatred and fear?

One of the most asked question I get from same-gender attracted young men is, “Why did God make me Mormon and Gay?”  a seemingly no-win situation that they have contemplated, pleaded and prayed over.  When I don’t know the answer, I resort to what I do know, “I know God lives and I know He loves all of His children.  He did not send anyone to earth to fail or to carry an unbearable cross. I know Joseph Smith was a prophet of God and that Thomas S. Monson is a true and living Prophet today. I know that Christ bled from every pore for me, you and yes, even our gay brothers and sisters.”  God has not given us all the answers, and I’m okay with that, I trust Him.

An Eternal Perspective  As stated on the official church website mormonsandgays.org“We live in an imperfect world. Not all the pieces of the puzzle seem to fit. But having an eternal perspective and believing in a just and merciful God gives us hope that all will work out in the end.”     

Two of the most asked questions from parents with a gay son or daughter are, “How do I embrace both my gay child and my LDS faith?” and “Can members of the church support marriage equality and still hold a temple recommend?”  The first question for me is easy to answer, the second question not so much.

Elder Todd Christofferson of the quorum of the twelve apostles answered those questions and many others in an interview with KUTV, following the passing of the Utah Non-Discrimination Bill, March of 2015.

Parents, miracles happen when you emulate love and kindness – it heals hearts, reunites and strengthens families and truly saves lives…

Dear mom and dad,

I am gay. I love you.

Please walk with me.

 

 

*Visit LDS Voice(s) of Hope to hear our journey, along with many other Voices of Hope.