Tag Archives: Families

The Meanest Mother In The World

I had the meanest mother in the world …

As a teenager I was asked to give talk in church on Mother’s Day.  I remember rummaging through a book of poems and short stories (this was long before the internet and “google”) and coming across one that described my mother perfectly. With a few minor changes the story became ‘my story’.

“The Meanest Mother”

I have the meanest mother in the whole world.  While other kids ate candy for breakfast, I had to have cereal, eggs or toast. When others had soda and candy for lunch, I had to eat a sandwich.  As you can guess, dinner was also different than the other kids. But at least, I wasn’t alone in my sufferings.  My two sisters and two brothers had the same mean mother as I did.

My mother insisted upon knowing where we were at ALL times.   You’d think we were on a chain gang.  She had to know who our friends were and where we were going.  She insisted if we said we’d be gone an hour, that we be gone one hour or less–not one hour and one minute.

I am embarrassed to admit it, but she actually spanked us.  Not once, but each time we had a mind of our own and did as we pleased.   Can you imagine someone actually spanking a child just because he disobeyed?  Now you can begin to see how mean she really was.

We had to wear clean clothes and take a bath. The other kids could wear their  clothes for days.  We reached the height of insults because she often made our clothes herself, just to save money.  

The worst is yet to come.  We had to be in bed by nine each night and up early the next morning.  We couldn’t sleep ’til noon like our friends.  So while they slept-my-mother actually had the nerve to break the child-labor law.  She made us WORK!  We washed dishes, made our beds, learned to cook and all sorts of cruel things.  

I believe she laid awake at night thinking up mean things to do to us.

She always insisted upon us telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, even if it killed us-and sometimes it nearly did.

By the time we were teenagers, she was  much wiser, and our life became even more unbearable.  None of this tooting the horn of a car for us to come running.  She embarrassed us to no end by making our dates and friends come to the door to get us.  While my friends were dating at the mature age of 13 or 14, my old fashioned mother refused to let me date until I was 16.

Through the years, things didn’t improve a bit.  We were expected to be honest, dependable, trustworthy and kind to others. As the years rolled by, first one and then the other of us was put to shame.  We graduated from high school and went on to further our education.                                              

     My mother was a complete failure as a mother. 

Each of my siblings went on to marry and raise children in the same horrible conditions.  And whom do we have to blame for the terrible way we turned out?  You’re right, our mean mother!  Look at the things we missed; we never got to march in a protest parade, take part in a riot, burn draft cards, and a million and one other things that our friends did.                                                                                                                                                                                               

She forced us to grow up with a testimony of a loving Heavenly Father and to know our Savior Jesus Christ.  She taught us the power of prayer.  She taught us the importance of families and to love and serve and love one another.                           

NOW YEARS LATER ….

I confess!  I have raised my seven children in the same MEAN way that my mother raised me.  Six of my children have graduated from High School, the youngest at home is on track to do the same.  Three have their bachelors degrees, two daughters have their cosmetology license. (they keep my gray hairs covered)  Four are married and are raising their children in the same mean way.  

Thank you mom for smothering me with your love and most of all for your example of  living life with integrity,  dignity and for the courage to teach morals and values that I pray  will carry on for generations to come.

THANK YOU MOM for being the meanest mother in the whole world!                                                                                                 

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This blog post is dedicated to my mother, who I love with all my heart.  I owe who I am today to her.  She passed away March 12, 2014.  Until we meet again mom.  I Love You!                         

A Follow Up to A Very Real Matter: Same-Sex Attraction

It’s only been two weeks since I held my breath as my finger hovered over that publish button to “A Very REAL Matter: Same-Sex Attraction”.  My stomach ached as I dug even deeper, to muster additional courage to share to Facebook and Twitter.  Fear of how the public would react to my son’s vulnerability and to my motherly plea to the world to reinvest in kindness.

The response has been over-whelming. Our inboxes inundated with positive emails, messages and phone calls, along with a long stream of comments beneath the many social media shares.  We thank you from the bottom of our heart for your kind and supportive messages, your openness, AND for sharing the video and post with others.

(If you have no idea what I am talking about, STOP and take a few minutes

to watch the video and original article.)

The message we had hoped would shine through was validated with comments such as…

“Thank you so much for sharing this video. It touched our hearts, and we cried all the way through it. This is exactly our son’s story as well. We are learning everyday as a family. Thanks for your words and lessons. It has helped so much!!!”

“I agree that whether we agree or disagree with same-sex attractions, we can ALL be kinder and more compassionate about it.”

“Wow. I was deeply touched AND educated. Thank you to you and Sean for taking the time to open up about this subject. I needed the lesson on being less judgmental and more loving.”

A great number of the responses mirrored my son’s story having received an outpouring of  love, empathy and compassion. Others experienced  rejection, and still others live in fear of telling their parents, or sharing their secret with anyone.

Hundreds thanked us for helping them see things in a different perspective.

One father confessed,  “I haven’t spoken to my gay son in four years.”  He humbly added,  “I can see I have been doing it wrong.”  He committed to send his son a text that simply said, “I love you”.

Bullseye! That was our intention!

It’s rewarding to hear that hearts are healing, families reuniting and lives being saved.  It’s a start.

Some people questioned the need to even have this discussion asking, “Why would anyone not accept a person just because of their sexual orientation?”

Another person confessed, “I was brought up to believe you only accept gays if they do not act upon their desires.”

I must confess…

I cried as I read the many heart-wrenching emails that claimed they had often gone to bed crying and pleading with God to please not let THIS be their challenge. Praying “Please take my eye sight, my hearing, my legs, ANYTHING in place of being gay.”

Heart wrenching.

The most common patterns I noticed within the mass of emails were… 

1) The internal conflict between their natural feelings they did not choose, and their religious beliefs.  Leaving them wondering, “Does God love me?” 

2) The most difficult step seemed to be admitting to him or her self that number one, this was not going away, and number two, this was a real part of who they were.

Then REAL fear steps in…

 “Who do I tell?  Do I tell my parents? HOW do I tell my parents? How will they react?”

And the biggest fear of all – “What if they reject me?”

This leads to the next big dilemma…

Is it okay to date someone I am attracted to, or do I continue to date someone of the opposite sex to appear normal?  Do I live a life of celibacy? Is it possible to meet someone of the opposite sex who will marry me?

Many emails (too many) contained confessions that ending their life seemed like the best and only option. And many shared they had already attempted to take their life.  No one should feel ending their life is their only or best option. Never. Ever.

It was heartbreaking to read the many emails from parents and gay young men and women who expressed they had become disillusioned and angry with God and many claiming to be atheist.

                 I wish I had a magic wand to calm the hearts of those who live in fear of telling their parents or sharing their secret with anyone, fear of  disappointment and of being rejected. 

The happiest and most positive emails were from gay young men and women who believed in God and had loving family support. 

The happiest expressed gratitude in having parents who loved them unconditionally. Just knowing their parents loved them seemed to make a huge difference.

My heart is full and I fight back the tears. I never imagined this is what I would learn and experience when I pushed that “publish”. But I am grateful. Grateful to know that hundreds and perhaps thousands now know they are not alone and they have a friend in me and my son.  My inbox is filled with people who just want to fit in, to be understood and feel loved.

My plea to the world is to reinvest in kindness, compassion and charity. We all could do a little better don’t you think? I know I could.