Category Archives: Depression

Restless Nights

Jeffery C. Olsen  Sunset

I’m a mom.  I’m a worrier.


Restless Nights. 

Lately I have had a hard time sleeping, I stay up late, get up early and toss and turn in-between. After another restless night, I logged onto Facebook with the intent to share what was on my mind.  As I wiped the tears from my face, I let my feelings spew onto my Facebook wall…

“It is with great sadness that I write this. It’s been almost a year since my son and I did a video of what it was like growing up living in FEAR of telling your parents or telling anyone you are gay. FEAR of being rejected and contemplating suicide as the best and only answer so no one would know. Ever!

I have received hundreds of emails from gay young men from around the world who stumble upon our video and for the first time feel HOPE—hope that perhaps their parents would or could be as loving. 

AGAIN last night I received another long email from a young man pouring his heart out – his worries – his fears – his lack of feeling any self-worth and battling daily depression – fighting the hurtful things that are said in church and in his home, drilling the confusion and pain even deeper.

This young man is only 18 and feels taking his life would be best—he said his father made it CLEAR to him and his brothers a couple of years ago, when his cousin “came out”, that IF any of his sons were gay they would no longer be his son!  

He said, “I cried myself to sleep that night!”

This young man has chosen not to serve a mission, he is feeling the heat from his leaders and especially his mother. He is so fearful of telling them the REAL reason behind not wanting to serve a mission – so fearful that he just wants to end his life – feeling THAT would be the better option rather than have his parents know they have a gay son who is dying inside and has been battling depression most his life because of his inner battle.

His story mirrors TOO many young men I hear from—SERIOUSLY this has to STOP! CHILDREN deserve to feel loved especially from their parents. It broke my heart to know my husband and I had created a home where our own son lived in FEAR of telling us—fear of rejection. Our son was 24, THAT is what breaks my heart, NOT that he is gay.

One of the greatest desires of every child and human being is to feel LOVED, ACCEPTED and VALUED for who they are NOT “Tow the line OR be BOOTED out of the HOME” – THAT does NOT feel like love to anyone. God does not force us to keep His commandments—He lovingly guides us with LOVE unfeigned. Parents DO THE SAME!! 

I promise a GAY son (or daughter) is far BETTER than having a DEAD son (or daughter)! Any day.”

I really didn’t expect many people to read such a long Facebook post – It felt good  to get it off my chest.  I resumed responding to this young man’s plea,  praying he could not only feel my love, but  feel his Heavenly Father’s love.

The unexpected happened…

The response was positive, with over 90 shares.  This young man’s story had not only tugged at my heart, but was touching the heart of others including his own.  He told me he read every Facebook comment and was deeply touched by the love he felt from total strangers. It gave him HOPE to know people REALLY do care.

The yearning to feel his parents love and acceptance continues,  it’s a dream he unfortunately doesn’t anticipate happening for many years to come.  I pray he is wrong.

I continue to have restless nights worrying about “my boys”, the young men who reach out to me in desperation, who live in fear of rejection and  contemplating  suicide.

What can we do to help?

It’s simple,  love your children, your spouse, your co-workers, your peers, your neighbor your friends. Open your heart and mind to see people as people.  Everyone I meet desires to feel loved, safe, respected accepted and valued for who they are.  Create the space that feels safe to talk about feelings without feeling judged and rejected.   If they can feel your love, they can feel their Father in Heaven’s love.

This young man could be your son, your co-worker, your peer, your neighbor, your friend. Let people know YOU care.

Photo by Jeffery C. Olsen

The Uninvited Guest: Depression

The Uninvited Guest: Depression.

My heart sank as I read a recent blog post by a friend and mentor Dino Watt, entitled “There is hope in the darkness!“.  With heartfelt love, Dino paid tribute to a beautiful and talented friend Kaila, who sadly lost her fight with mental illness.

The ugly disease and uninvited guest who calls himself “Depression”, crept in, unpacked and staked it’s claim as a permanent resident until the vibrant, young, talented, smart and beautiful girl could take it no more.  

Mental Illness does not discriminate between sex, nationality, or religion.  It does not care if you have a family, a job or a college degree. 

Dino describes Kaila’s plight; “She struggled with a brain that was both brilliant and confused. Full of inspirational light and depressing darkness.”

No one is to judge.  No one is to blame.

Unfortunately the tragic ending to Kaila’s story is not unique. I didn’t personally know Kaila, only from what Dino shared, he revealed that her family knew of her tough battle, her family loved her, her family sought support and help for her, but ultimately the bottom-line is “As it is with everything in life, the ultimate choice for our actions is with us, no matter how much others want to help.” ~Dino Watt

No one is to judge. No one is to blame.

Myself having struggled with uninvited bought’s of depression since the spring of 2011, I emphasize with and have compassion for those who live with this challenge on a daily basis.  Until recently I was not ready to introduce my obnoxious guest to my family or friends for fear of seeming weak, therefore I kept him as hidden as possible.  I’d tell myself to just “snap out of it”,  but as time went on I began to worry that my guest was really intending to make me his new permanent resident.

Then one morning I said,  “Enough IS Enough! I want my life back!”

I blogged about depression for the first time, six months ago, entitled, “The Big Dark Elephant In The Room:  Dealing with Depression and Mental Illness“.  I decided it was time to be REAL in hope to help others who also fight the fight.  I opened up a little bit about my battle, NOT wanting to be too vulnerable, but enough to let the cat out of the bag. I’m a positive outgoing person who looks for the good in every experience and situation, therefore to talk about depression and how it personally effects me is out of my comfort zone, but a much needed stretch.

In my blog post I also shared, with permission, a story of a friend who also battles this fight, knowing her story would be a light to others.  I also, introduced a product, a natural remedy called EMPower Plus Q96, that I had researched, personally tried and experienced relief.  But for unexplained reasons I had not continued using the product.  Months later the darkness got so bad that I knew I had to do something ASAP.

I called a friend and ordered Q96 in hope it would clear my mind,  lift the darkness and let light in.

In deep gratitude.  

To my pleasant surprise within 24 hours of placing my order – it was delivered to my door and in my hands.  Within a week I undoubtely noticed a difference in my thoughts, clarity, focus and the much sought after light.

Now, eight weeks on the product I’m very pleased to report, I feel like myself once again – healthy and happy, therefore I share and urge others who battle mental illness to not let this uninvited visitor make himself a permanent resident in your life.  Seek help if you haven’t already done so, open up to someone for support, do your research, speak to your physician and most of all – pray for guidance.  You don’t have to live in darkness. There is hope. There is light.

My heart goes out to those mourning the loss of beautiful Kaila.  I plead with those that battle depression and other forms of mental illness; Do not let this be your ending – BE the conquer. WIN the fight!  

With love and gratitude,

Becky Mack:)
Speaker, Author, Mom, Life Coach






Be Real. Be Authentic.

funny face

Be Real. Be Authentic.

If you follow my blog or follow me on Facebook, Pintrest or Twitter  you know I’m pretty much an open book and I’m comfortable talking about REAL life challenges.  What I’ve discovered by being REAL and AUTHENTIC is that others who are going through the same or similar challenges know they are not alone.

I understand it can be scary to be vulnerable, my stomach ached for days before I pushed the publish button to share my story of having a gay son and my motherly plea to the world to reinvest in kindness.  Even though my son and I felt it was time and the right thing to do – I was still fearful of how the public would react to my son’s vulnerability.  To our surprise we were inundated with positive emails, messages and phone calls along with a long stream of comments beneath the many social media shares.  It has been a wonderful experience connecting with people around the world because of that ONE post.  It opened the door to being  invited to speak at several large LGBT conferences – hundreds have thanked us for helping them see things in a different perspective.  It has been rewarding to see hearts healing, families reuniting and lives being saved.

What I have experienced and seen is that when people are real and authentic about their fears and challenges it helps others know they are not alone. 

I’m not a blogger that targets a certain audience or has a certain theme.  I’m kind of all over the place just as my blog title states,”Becky Mack’s Blog of Mild Chaos”  I post about Family, Fun, Travels, Teens and DrEaMs!  …..CHAOTIC  just like REAL life!

If you follow me you have been exposed to my travels to India, the ups and downs of career changes,  my love for God and family, the JOYS and CHALLENGES of parenting, my love for people of all nationalities and religions,  the surprise of  GOING VIRAL and everything from battling depression, to meeting incredibly inspiring people, to becoming an author and member of the NSA (National Speakers Association) and now SPEAKING. And last, but certainly not least, the wonderful journey of having a gay son and all THAT has taught me about people, compassion, love, empathy, tolerance and intolerance.

I don’t post, follow or support people or organizations who seem to thrive on being rude, bash political or religious beliefs or who pretty much have a NEGATIVE attitude about life.  Life is challenging enough on it’s own without having others bring you down.

Life is too fragile and too short to wallow in misery.

I like to look for the rose amidst the thorns, and one thing I’m certain about is that we ALL experience thorns …everyone has challenges!  CHEERS to those who in spite of their challenges focus on the ROSE, and CHEERS to those who rally around and support one another, boost one another and love one another.  That’s what life is really about… Serving others.

Life’s a roller coaster – CHOOSE to be HaPpY!

Becky Mack’s Life Lesson:  Attitude is everything. Be REAL. Be AUTHENTIC and you just may discover that the friend you thought had the perfect life has challenges too.

The Big Dark Elephant In The Room: Dealing with Depression and Mental Illness

The Big Dark Elephant In The Room:  Dealing with Depression and Mental Illness

There is an elephant in the room that no one likes to talk about. It’s called mental illness.  It comes in all shapes and sizes.  It doesn’t care if you are male or female, old or young.

elephantI’m a positive, see the glass half full type of person, but three years ago I was blinded sided by a flood of darkness that was so heavy I didn’t know if life was worth living.  The simplest of tasks became a great effort. THANK goodness I didn’t give in to the brutal lie and fought through it.  The bits of depression that I experience off and on have given me a small glimpse of what too many experience on a daily basis, and I can’t imagine dealing with it on a deeper level. I have had days I wanted to stay in bed curled up in a ball with the covers over my head and shut out the world until everything was all well.  I know there are too many people that experience this in various degrees EVERYDAY.

I was somewhat surprised when I read the comments under a recent Facebook status that I had posted about back to back funerals of two very good friends. The comments quickly turned to the topic of depression and mental illness after someone posted about a loved one who had taken their life to end their fight with mental illness.  It was clear to see there were a lot of people hurting from the effects of this ugly dark disease either directly or from it’s ripple effects.

I reached out privately to those who openly expressed they battled mental illness, I asked one mother if I could share her story.  She bravely agreed in hope her story might help others.  Thank you for being honest and real.

Life with depression

“My life is very different from others. I have a problem, or you could call it a disease it is called DEPRESSION. I am really good at masking it so that people don’t know what I go through however some days it isn’t that easy. Some days everything I do takes a huge effort; getting out of bed, making sure the kids are ready for school, going to work. It is truly very hard. Then I come home from my day and realize my job is still not done and I must fight to finish the day.

Depression comes and goes, some days it is really strong, and other days it is mild. The hardest thing with depression is the feeling of having to do this alone. If I talk about it then I fear people will stop being my friend because they don’t understand depression and don’t dare ask what it is like. I hesitate to tell people because I have been judged so many times because of it. I don’t want pity, or people to think I am crazy. You learn to keep it to yourself and stay in survival mode.

I am a strong person who struggles with feeling like I am not of worth and that I will not amount or do any good in my lifetime. The lowest time in my life was when my children were 21 months and I also had a newborn. I lay on the floor of my home curled into a ball sobbing and feeling that I am not worthy to be on this earth and nobody needs me. I cried as the thoughts hit me that I should just kill myself, I then thought I can’t leave my beautiful children. Then the thought was kill them and take them with you. How could someone that loves and adores children have a thought like that? I am grateful every day that I didn’t listen or do what the depression was trying to tell me was okay. My poor husband didn’t know how to help me. He had always been told that depression is all in your head GET OVER IT, It’s not that hard!

ONE DAY my husband and I were driving to his parents and he turned to me and said;

“I don’t know how to help you; we need to have you talk to the doctor.”

He FINALLY understood that I can’t control this. After seeing the doctor and determining that I have the same chemical imbalance as my mom, alas I needed to be on medication.  This is not what I wanted to inherit from my mother,  I wanted the gene that makes her an excellent baker not the depression gene!  It was very hard for me to tell my other doctors that I was on meds for depression, until one doctor made the difference. He told me never be ashamed to say I have depression and need medication to help, just like someone who is diabetic needs insulin. I am grateful every day that he helped me see it that way.

I hope if anything comes out of sharing my story that it will be not to  judge because you never know what someone else maybe dealing with. I am grateful for my children because they are what has kept me alive. I look forward to the day when I get to see my them get married and I become a grandma. My children are the positive in my life that helps me get through the darkness of depression. I am stronger because of this bump in my mortal life. Even with all the bumps in my life that I have faced and made it through I am thankful every day that my Heavenly Father sent me to earth with a 4-wheel drive so I can muddle over the bumps and come out on the other side.” ~an anonymous friend

I love hearing there is HOPE …

Dozens reported they had received help from medication, others from diet, exercise and supplements.  Several were excited to tell me about a product that had helped them or someone they loved, called “EMPowerplus Q96”, a natural remedy found by a father, desperate to find a solution for his children who have mental illness, and not wanting to lose them to suicide like their mother and Grandmother.  I was so intrigued by the article that I ordered the product!  I am eager to try it,  who doesn’t want greater mental clarity?

I would like to do several follow-up blog posts featuring YOUR story of over-coming, or successfully dealing with depression, mental illness, bipolar, etc….  By being open you help others.   And in doing so, you discover life is good.

Autumn Stringham shares her experience with bi-polar disorder

Click HERE for the follow up of my personal battle with depression and my experience with Q96.